How to Talk to Kids About Feelings: Scripts and Conversation Starters
Knowing what to say when your child is upset can be challenging. You want to help them feel better, but sometimes our instinctive responses—like "Don't cry" or "You're fine"—can accidentally dismiss their feelings.
This guide provides ready-to-use scripts for common emotional situations, so you'll know exactly what to say to help your child feel heard and learn to manage their emotions.
The Basic Formula: Validate, Then Guide
Before diving into specific scripts, here's the core approach that works for almost any emotional situation:
- Notice and name - "I can see you're feeling [emotion]"
- Validate - "It makes sense that you feel that way because..."
- Be present - "I'm here with you"
- Guide (when ready) - "Would you like to talk about it?" or "What do you think might help?"
Important: Timing Matters
Don't try to problem-solve or teach during the peak of emotion. Wait until your child has calmed down before discussing solutions or lessons.
Scripts for Common Situations
When Your Child Is Sad
Instead of saying...
"Don't be sad."
"Cheer up!"
"It's not that bad."
Try this...
"I can see you're feeling really sad right now. That's okay—everyone feels sad sometimes."
"Do you want to tell me about it, or would you rather just sit together for a while?"
"I'm here with you. Take all the time you need."
Follow-up questions: "What happened that made you feel this way?" • "Where do you feel the sadness in your body?" • "What would feel comforting right now?"
When Your Child Is Angry
Instead of saying...
"Stop being so angry!"
"Go to your room until you calm down."
"You're overreacting."
Try this...
"I can see you're really angry right now. It's okay to feel angry—it's not okay to hit [or whatever behavior]. Let's find a safe way to let that anger out."
"Your anger is telling us something important. When you're ready, I want to hear about it."
"Would it help to take some deep breaths together? Or stomp your feet really hard?"
Safe anger releases to offer: Punching a pillow • Stomping feet • Ripping paper • Running in place • Squeezing a stress ball • Drawing the angry feeling
When Your Child Is Anxious or Worried
Instead of saying...
"There's nothing to worry about."
"Just don't think about it."
"You're being silly."
Try this...
"I can see you're feeling worried. Worry can feel really uncomfortable. Let's talk about what's on your mind."
"What's the worry telling you might happen?"
"That sounds scary. I'm here with you, and we can figure this out together."
For bedtime anxiety: "Let's do a worry dump—tell me all your worries and I'll hold onto them for you tonight so your brain can rest."
When Your Child Is Frustrated
Try this...
"I can see this is really frustrating. It's hard when things don't work the way we want them to."
"You've been trying so hard. It's okay to take a break and come back to it."
"What part is the trickiest? Maybe we can figure it out together."
When Your Child Is Disappointed
Try this...
"I know you were really looking forward to that. It's okay to feel disappointed."
"This isn't what you hoped for. That's a hard feeling."
"I'm disappointed too. Let's be disappointed together for a minute, and then we can think about what we want to do next."
When Your Child Is Jealous
Try this...
"It sounds like you're feeling jealous. That's a normal feeling, even though it doesn't feel good."
"It can be hard to see someone else get something you wanted. I understand that feeling."
"What is it about [the thing/situation] that you wish you had?"
Daily Conversation Starters
Build emotional intelligence through regular check-ins. Try these instead of "How was your day?"
At the Dinner Table
- "What made you smile today?"
- "Was there anything that felt hard today?"
- "What are you looking forward to tomorrow?"
- "Did anything surprise you today?"
At Bedtime
- "What was the best part of your day? What was the hardest part?"
- "Is there anything on your mind that you want to talk about?"
- "What are three things you're grateful for today?"
- "How is your heart feeling right now?"
In the Car
- "If your feelings right now were a weather report, what would the weather be?"
- "What's something that made you feel proud this week?"
- "Is there anyone at school who seemed like they were having a hard day?"
Get More Conversation Scripts
Hearthset provides age-appropriate conversation guides and scripts for dozens of emotional situations, plus activities to do together.
Try Hearthset FreeHow to Respond When You Don't Know What to Say
Sometimes you'll be caught off guard. Here are safe responses that work in almost any situation:
Universal responses:
"That sounds really hard."
"I'm so glad you told me."
"I'm here with you."
"Tell me more about that."
"How did that make you feel?"
What to Do After the Conversation
Once your child has calmed down and feels heard:
- Reflect together - "That was a big feeling. You handled it well."
- Problem-solve if needed - "Now that you're feeling calmer, is there anything you want to do about the situation?"
- Build for next time - "What helped you feel better? Let's remember that for next time."
- Reconnect - A hug, a shared activity, or simply moving on together
When Conversations Are Hard
If Your Child Won't Talk
Don't force it. Try: "I'm here whenever you're ready to talk. Sometimes it helps me to draw my feelings or write them down. Would either of those work for you?"
If You Get It Wrong
It's okay to repair: "I think what I said earlier wasn't helpful. Can I try again? I really want to understand how you're feeling."
If You're Triggered Too
It's okay to take a break: "I need a moment to calm down so I can really listen to you. I'll be back in two minutes and then I'm all yours."
Remember
You don't have to be perfect. The goal isn't to say the exact right thing every time—it's to show your child that their feelings matter and that you're a safe person to share them with. That message comes through even when you stumble over your words.